8 Awards You’re Chasing That Don’t Actually Exist
Okay, let’s talk about those “awards” we’re chasing—the ones that don’t exist but somehow control so much of what we do, how we feel, and how we show up in life.
Let me give you a few examples. Ever caught yourself secretly competing for the:
“No mistakes were made” award?
Or the “Most beautiful” award?
How about “Skinniest”?
“Lived up to all expectations”?
“Never said no”?
“Never asked for help”?
Oh, and let’s not forget the big one: “Liked by everyone.”
And last but not least, the “Didn’t need rest” award.
Are you cringing yet? Because SAME. The crazy part is, none of these awards are real. Literally none of these exist. No one is handing us trophies for being exhausted, perfect, or never making mistakes – but still, we’re running ourselves into the ground trying to win them.
So, today, we’re unpacking why we’re chasing these invisible awards, how they’re stealing our joy, and what we can do to let go of the pressure and just be.
If you loved this episode, you’ll also love: 133: 4 Questions to Ask Yourself About Your Body Standards: https://www.juliealedbetter.com/embrace-your-real/4-questions-to-ask-yourself-about-your-body-standards-
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Transcript:
Hey there, beautiful human. You're listening to Embrace Your Real with me, Julie Ledbetter, (0:05) a podcast where I empower you to just be you. With each episode, I dish you a dose of real talk (0:11) and actionable advice for building your confidence, honoring your body, and unconditionally (0:16) loving your authentic self.Stay tuned if you're ready to embrace your real. Let's get in. Let's go.(0:27) Hello, and welcome back to another episode on the Embrace Your Real podcast. I am beyond grateful (0:32) to have some time with you today because we're going to be diving into something I know a lot (0:36) of us, and when I say us, I am 100% preaching to myself, need to hear. And that is about these (0:42) invisible awards that we are chasing.And I kind of want to bring you back to high school. I don't (0:47) know about you. I'm sure a lot of you guys had this, but in your yearbook committee, you had (0:52) the committee award people, right? So if you were a senior, it was like best dressed, most likely to (0:56) succeed, funniest, class clown.There were so many different awards. And although those were real (1:03) awards, they really had no meaning. I feel like in life, we somehow still carry through that mentality (1:09) of like wanting to chase the awards.Like I remember at the beginning of senior year being (1:14) like, I want to have X, Y, and Z award. And like it gave it, it created so much worth in my life, (1:19) which is insane, because literally it's just in the yearbook. Like it's a stupid award that was (1:24) given.And to even like carry that out now, it's even more wild because these awards are, they're (1:31) totally invisible, but yet somehow they control so much of what we do and how we feel and how we (1:37) show up. Let me kind of give you some examples. If you've ever caught yourself like secretly (1:41) competing for the no mistakes were made award or the most beautiful award, or how about the skinniest (1:47) or lived up to all expectations or the I never said no award, or what about I never asked for (1:54) help award, or let's not forget the big one liked by everyone award.And last but not least, the (1:59) I didn't need rest award. Are you cringing yet? Because literally same, like literally same, (2:05) because none of these awards are actually real. They literally do not exist.No one is handing (2:10) us these trophies for being exhausted or trying to be perfect or never making mistakes, but still (2:15) we are running ourselves into the ground trying to win them. And so today in today's episode, (2:21) I just want to unpack like why we're chasing these invisible awards and how they're stealing our joy (2:27) so that we can let go of all of the pressure and just be. But before we dive in, I want to share (2:33) this review.It comes from C woodruff, 23. She gave a five star view and said the motivation (2:37) that I needed. I cannot express enough how happy I am to have found this podcast.I liked it so (2:42) much that I decided to start from the beginning. Every episode is so helpful and uplifting. I feel (2:46) like listening to this is exactly what I needed to start off every day, right? Thank you, Julie, (2:50) for being so raw and real and being relatable.You give me hope. Well, first of all, thank you so much (2:56) for tuning into the podcast and leaving a rating interview. If you guys could scoot over to Apple (3:00) podcast and leave a rating interview, that would mean the world to me.Or if you're listening on (3:04) Spotify, you can just go to the podcast page and rate it. That would be awesome as well. Also, (3:08) the fact that you started at episode one is amazing.Kind of cringy, if I can be honest, (3:14) because I've not listened to that episode in probably five years now that we've been doing (3:19) this podcast for five years. So I have no idea what that podcast is even sounds like or what it (3:23) is, but I am so thankful that you are on this journey with me and I could not be more grateful (3:29) for just this community and the thousands of women that show up every single week to tune into this (3:35) podcast and the millions of downloads that we've gotten is just, it's amazing. It's such an (3:40) incredible community and I could not be more grateful for you guys.Okay, so let's dive in (3:45) and kind of start with this. Like why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we think that we have to win (3:51) at things that no one is keeping score of? Like for a lot of us, it really does start with that (3:57) external pressure, like society, social media, family, or even like our inner critic. They're (4:01) all telling us you're only good enough if you're X, Y, and Z. You're only good enough if you don't (4:07) mess up, if you don't rock the boat.And so we start believing that in order to be lovable or (4:13) valuable or successful, we have to live up to these impossible standards. But the truth is, (4:18) none of this is real. Like you don't have to be the skinniest.You don't have to be beautiful or (4:24) whatever beauty is in your own eyes. Like beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, right? So like beauty (4:29) to each person is so different. You don't have to say yes to everything to be a good friend or (4:35) a be a good wife, partner, mom, whatever.You don't have to have it all together to be worthy of love. (4:41) No one, literally no one is out there thinking, wow, I wish she would never rest or ask for help. (4:47) If anything, people would probably love more if you showed up as your real, imperfect, beautifully (4:53) human self, right? And so I kind of want to break down the most common, just invisible awards that (4:59) we are chasing that literally no one cares about.Award number one, no mistakes were made. This one (5:05) is a big one. The idea that you can live your life mistake-free is not only impossible, but it's (5:11) completely boring.Like mistakes, no matter how hard, no matter how messy they are, they are how (5:17) we learn. They are how we grow. They are how we figure out what works and what doesn't.And let (5:22) me just say this, mistakes are not failures. They are feedback. When you make a mistake, it doesn't (5:28) mean that you're not good enough.It means that you're brave enough to try because every misstep (5:33) gives you valuable insight that you wouldn't have gained otherwise. Like think about the most (5:38) successful people that you know, or people that have done amazing things, or people that you know (5:44) that have just done incredible things, built companies, built amazing organizations, whatever (5:49) it is, or just people that you admire in your life. I promise you that they have all made mistakes and (5:55) big ones too.But instead of letting those mistakes define them, they use them as stepping (6:01) stones to move forward. They celebrate the lessons that they've learned through their mistakes and (6:07) they recognize that those lessons are the things that make you wiser and stronger and more resilient. (6:14) I don't know about you, but if you've ever had the opportunity or the chance to sit down with someone (6:19) older like in their 80s or 90s and just like have a real raw conversation with these people who've (6:26) lived so much life, the ones that are so wise and the ones that you just like are kind of taken back (6:32) in awe by, those are the people that I guarantee if you ask them straight up, hey, what's the (6:38) biggest mistake that you made? Or how did you learn these things? They're going to share huge mistakes (6:45) that if that happened in your life, you would think, oh my gosh, my life is over.Like X, Y, (6:50) and Z happened, that's insane. Or they would tell you all of the things, all of the hardships that (6:56) they went through to get to the other side and they gained so much wisdom in return. And as a (7:03) result, you sitting down talking with them, you're gaining that wisdom, but that wisdom was created (7:09) and came from lived experience.And so I just want to remind you that, that mistakes, although (7:15) they're so hard to go through and they're so messy to be in the middle of, those are the ones that (7:21) can and do make you wiser, stronger, and more resilient. Award number two, most beautiful. This (7:26) one is a trap.Like society wants us to believe that there is a single definition of beauty, thin, (7:33) flawless skin, perfect hair, but that is not real life. And even if we were chasing it, trust me (7:41) when I tell you, it will leave you exhausted and insecure every waking day of your life. Because (7:48) here's the truth.Beauty isn't something that you achieve. It's something that you already have. (7:54) It's not in the number on the scale or the smoothness of your skin.It's in your laugh. (7:58) It's in your kindness. It's in your presence.Those flaws, quote unquote, that you obsess over, (8:05) those are the things that actually make you unique or relatable or just flat out real. (8:11) Trying to mold yourself into society's version of perfect and have this perfect beauty that will only (8:17) keep you stuck in this cycle of comparison and self-criticism. So instead, I want you to shift (8:22) your focus inward.Ask yourself, what makes me feel alive? What makes me feel confident? What (8:27) makes me feel joyful? Because that energy is what makes you truly beautiful. And that is something (8:32) that no one can replicate. And if I can tell you anything that I have learned in the last few years (8:38) of just digging deeper into God's word, is that the more that you are digging into his word, (8:44) the more you are nourishing your soul and nourishing your mind with his truth, the less (8:49) and less you will start to see yourself as flawed.And the more you will start to see yourself through (8:56) the eyes of God and God tells you that you're beautiful and God tells you that you are uniquely (9:01) made and that you have a purpose on this earth. And so I just want to encourage you to get into (9:07) God's word this year. And that's myself too.Like as a tired mom, it's hard. I get it. Trying to (9:13) establish a consistent routine with the Bible and journaling, that is difficult.And so I am just, (9:19) I'm preaching to myself too, but I just want to encourage you that if you are just struggling, (9:24) there is something so beautiful in just taking two or three or five minutes and just sitting (9:31) down and just praying and just saying, God, you know, I don't know what to say, but I don't feel (9:38) X, Y, and Z. I feel like I am chasing this unattainable block and just pour out your heart (9:44) to him. And if you don't hear anything, just keep doing it and keep doing it. And trust me when I (9:49) tell you that in some way, over time, you will start to hear or feel the presence of God.And (9:57) especially when you are in his word and you are being intentional and you are praying to him and (10:02) you are saying, God, I want to seek you and truly seek him and ask him to guide you to scripture, (10:07) ask him to guide you to truth. He will do that. Whether that is through scripture, whether that's (10:13) a podcast that day, whether that's a person who says something to you, there is so many ways that (10:18) God will speak to you, but it starts with intentionality.And so that's the single most (10:24) important thing that I want you to get in your mind and in your heart about that invisible award (10:30) that we so desperately try to seek. And it will always leave us feeling empty if we are trying to (10:37) get the most beautiful award from the world. Award number three, skinniest.This one hurts. (10:43) We have been conditioned to believe that being the smallest version of ourselves makes us the (10:49) most worthy version of ourselves. But the truth is shrinking yourself, whether that's literally (10:53) or figuratively, this will never lead to happiness.Like your body is not meant to be a size. It's (10:59) meant to support you. It's meant to move, to help you live the life that you want.And when you (11:04) focus so much on shrinking, you're robbing yourself of the chance to celebrate what your body can do. (11:11) Think of how many amazing things and how many times your body has healed, has adapted, (11:17) has gotten stronger with the care that you give it. So it's time to stop tying your worth to a (11:24) number on the scale.Instead, start in celebrating the incredible things that your body does for you (11:30) every single day. I want you to fuel it. I want you to move it.And I want you to honor it, (11:35) not because you want to make it smaller, but because you want to make it thrive. I want you (11:41) to fuel your body. I want you to move your body.I want you to honor your body, not because you (11:46) want to make it smaller, but because you want it to thrive. Your worth has nothing to do with how (11:53) little space you take up. It's about how you fully show up in the space that you already own.(11:59) Invisible award number four, lived up to all expectations. Whose expectations? Are they yours (12:06) or are you living someone else's dream? Trying to meet everyone's standards is a surefire way to feel (12:13) like you are failing. Because here's the thing, expectations are often based on other people's (12:18) needs, fears, opinions, and not what is best for you.When you are constantly trying to meet them, (12:24) you really do lose sight of your own goals, your own values, and your own life. Like you were not (12:30) put on earth to live someone else's life. You are here to live your life in a way that aligns with (12:37) your purpose, your value, your passions, and your gifts.So letting go of expectations doesn't mean (12:44) that you're giving up. It means that you're stepping into your own power, into what God (12:49) has given you, into what God has created you to be on this earth. And so start by asking yourself, (12:54) what do I want? What do I feel I have been gifted with that I can share with this world? And when (13:01) you begin living in that way, you will feel lighter, you will feel more fulfilled, and you (13:07) will feel like you're living out your God given purpose.Award number five, never say no. This (13:13) one's tricky because yes feels like being helpful, right? Like, but in actuality, always saying yes (13:20) can actually lead and will likely lead to burnout and resentment. You cannot pour from an empty cup.(13:27) Saying no does not mean that you're a bad friend or you're a bad parent or you're a bad (13:31) work professional. It makes you honest about your capacity. And when you stretch yourself too thin, (13:38) you end up showing up for people half-heartedly and no one wins in that situation.Setting (13:43) boundaries is a way of protecting your energy, protecting your life, protecting the ability to (13:49) show up to the people that God has given you in your life to show up to. And also, so that when (13:55) you do say yes, you can actually give it your all. Like, think about it this way.Every time you say (14:01) no to something that doesn't align with your priorities, you're actually creating space for (14:07) something that does. Saying no is an act of self-respect and it teaches others to respect (14:13) you too. You're not meant to do everything for everyone.You're meant to do the things that (14:18) matter most to you and that you feel you need to be doing in this season of life. Award number six, (14:26) never ask for help. Why do we think asking for help makes us weak? Spoiler alert, it doesn't.(14:32) In fact, it shows strength. It shows self-awareness. It shows self-respect.Asking for (14:38) help is one of the most courageous things that we can do. It takes vulnerability to admit that you (14:43) cannot do it all on your own and that vulnerability builds trust and connection with the people (14:48) around you. No one expects you to have all the answers or carry all the weight yourself, (14:53) not your family, not your friends, not your work professionals, not your community.And so when (14:57) you allow others to help you, you're not only lightening your own load, but also giving them (15:02) the opportunity to show up for you. And honestly, that's a gift. That's a gift that God gives to (15:09) people is other people.Leaning on others doesn't make you less capable. It makes you human and it (15:15) allows you to focus your energy where it's truly needed. Award number seven, liked by everyone.(15:21) This one hits so deep. We all want to be liked because it feels safe. But the truth is not (15:27) everyone is going to like you, especially if you are living by your values and your morals (15:33) and you are setting your life by that moral compass.Trust me when I tell you, you don't (15:40) want everybody to like you because if you have everyone like you, that means that you are actually (15:45) living for nothing. That means you are actually valuing nothing because you're valuing everything. (15:51) Does that make sense? Think about how much energy you have spent trying to be everything to (15:56) everyone.Has it really ever made you happy? Probably not. Because when you're trying to (16:01) constantly please everyone, you actually end up diluting who you really are, like the right (16:07) people, the right communities, the ones who truly matter. Those are going to love you for your real, (16:13) for your messy, for your perfectly imperfect self.You are not meant to fit into everyone's mold of (16:18) likability, right? You were meant to stand out as your own authentic self and to live by that moral (16:25) compass, to live by your values. Let go of the need to be liked by everyone and instead focus on (16:32) building those meaningful connections with the people who truly see and appreciate you when you (16:37) show up as you. And last but not least, award number eight, didn't need rest.Have you ever (16:45) felt guilty for taking a nap? Like this one hits so hard because in this postpartum season of my (16:51) life, I can tell you, I feel so incredibly guilty the days that I'm like, Josh, I need a nap. And (16:57) he is always so giving and so encouraging and say, yes, go sleep. Like when Blake sleeps, sleep.But (17:03) I feel so guilty. But rest isn't a luxury. And I've realized that in this season, that rest is not a (17:11) luxury.It is a necessity and running on empty is not heroic. It's actually harmful. Like when you (17:17) push yourself too hard, you're not just depleting your energy, but you're robbing yourself of the (17:22) ability to show up as your best self.Rest is how you refill your cup. It's how you recharge your (17:27) mind. It's how you give your body the care that it needs to keep going.It's not laziness. It's (17:32) actually an investment in your health and your happiness and in your future. I want you to think (17:36) of rest as a process, not a break from it, right? You don't need to earn it.You don't need to (17:42) justify it. It is your birthright. Honoring your need for rest is one of the most loving things (17:47) that you can do for yourself.And it really does allow you to show up fully for the people and (17:52) things that matter most. And that is something that just all of you tired mamas out there, I (17:58) just want to encourage you that if you can, or if you're able to, to in some way, shape or form, (18:04) prioritize rest. Even if that means like right when your baby goes to bed, your babies go to bed, (18:10) you have, you know, five, 10 minutes of intentional time with your husband, your significant other.(18:15) And then instead of watching that show as much as you want to, as much as you just kind of want to (18:20) like zone out, veg out for a little bit, just go to bed. Trust me when I tell you, you feel so much (18:25) better in the morning, especially if that babe wakes up earlier than what you're used to, right? (18:31) Because there is nothing worse than, you know, going to bed super late and saying, Oh, you know, (18:38) they're going to sleep until X, Y, and Z time. And then lo and behold, you get that wake up call (18:42) at 4am or 5am and you're like, Ooh, this is a rude awakening, right? I just want to encourage you (18:48) just get that rest.You will feel so much better. Try to prioritize that at least a few times a (18:54) week and you will feel so, so, so much better. So those are the eight invisible awards that (19:01) we might be chasing and not even realizing it.But I want to kind of talk about why chasing these (19:08) awards is actually costing you, because I promise there is always a cost. Like when you're trying to (19:14) be perfect, you lose the freedom to try new things or learn from your mistakes. When you're obsessed (19:19) with being the skinniest, you lose the ability to appreciate your body for all that it does for you.(19:23) When you say yes to everything, you lose your energy and boundaries. When you refuse to ask (19:28) for help, you lose connection and support. And when you try to be liked by everyone, (19:33) you lose yourself.I know that last one hits hard because it's true. Chasing these invisible awards (19:39) doesn't just make life harder. It makes you further away from who you really are.And I don't know (19:46) about you, but I don't want to live a life where I'm so busy trying to be everything to everyone (19:51) that I forget to just be me. So how do we stop chasing these invisible awards? How do we let go (19:58) of the pressure to be perfect or liked or whatever else we think we need to be? Here's what's been (20:04) helping me, and I know that this will help you. Number one, you got to get honest about what (20:09) invisible award you're chasing.It might not be any of these that I mentioned. It might be a couple (20:14) of these, or it might be all of these that I've mentioned. But ask yourself, what invisible award (20:18) am I working so hard for right now? Once you name it, you can really start to see it for what it (20:24) really is.It's an unrealistic, unnecessary standard that you don't have to live up to. (20:30) Number two, remind yourself of what truly matters. When you feel the urge to chase perfection or (20:36) people pleasing, I want you to pause and ask, does this actually matter to me or am I doing it (20:41) because I think I should? Reconnecting with your own values can help you let go of what doesn't (20:47) align.Number three, celebrate your realness. Start rewarding yourself for the things that (20:54) actually matter. Showing up, trying your best, being kind, taking care of yourself.These are (21:00) all things worth celebrating, not how many people like you or how perfect you look on the outside. (21:05) Because here's the thing, you are amazing. You are incredible.Not when you lose the weight, (21:13) not when you make zero mistakes, not when everyone likes you. You are you. So just start (21:19) living out that true, authentic self.The only award that you need to truly win is being real, (21:27) is being authentic. And spoiler alert, you've already won just by showing up. And so today, (21:34) I just, again, want to challenge you to stop chasing the awards that don't exist.These (21:39) invisible awards that are wasting so much time and so much of our energy and start living a life (21:45) that is true to you, your values, your priorities. Let me quickly recap the invisible awards that (21:53) you need to stop chasing or things that I mentioned in today's episode. Number one, (21:58) the No Mistakes Were Made Award.Mistakes aren't failures. They're lessons that help you grow and (22:03) move forward. Number two, the Most Beautiful Award.True beauty isn't something that you (22:08) achieve. It's something that you already have because of your uniqueness. Number three, (22:14) the Skinniest Award.Remember that your worth is not tied to your size. Focus on what your body can (22:20) do, not how small it is. Number four, the Lived Up To All Expectations Invisible Award.I want you (22:26) to let go of others' expectations and live a life that aligns with your own values and your dreams. (22:32) Number five, the I Never Said No Award. I want you to say no to protect your energy and allow (22:38) you to fully show up to what actually truly matters in this season of your life.Number (22:45) six, the Never Asked For Help Award. Remember that asking for help is a sign of strength and (22:50) it creates deeper connection and support. Number seven, the I'm Liked By Everyone Award.You don't (22:56) need to be liked by everyone. In fact, you should not be liked by everyone because if you are living (23:01) by your values and your moral compass, those people that are naturally supposed to be in (23:06) your life will be attracted to you because you are living your authentic self. And last but not (23:11) least, the I Didn't Need Rest Award.Remember that rest is essential. It's not lazy and it fuels you (23:18) to be your best self so that you can show up in your best capacity to those who you love and (23:23) those you are called to serve. If you love this episode, I know you will also love episode 133, (23:28) four questions to ask yourself about your body standards.I will go ahead and link that in the (23:33) show notes so that you can easily go tune into that. But I would love to know what invisible (23:38) award you have been chasing. Is it one of these or is it one that I didn't mention? I would love (23:44) to hear from you.So be sure to screenshot this, post it up on your Instagram story, tag me, (23:49) Julie A. Labrador, tag Embrace Your Real Account. We love, love, love hearing from you. And I would (23:54) in fact really love to hear which invisible award struck a chord with you or one again that I didn't (24:00) mention.But that is all that I have for today's episode. I love you so dang much. I mean it and (24:04) I'll talk to you in the next one.
All right, sister, that's all I got for you today. But I (24:13) have two things that I need you to do. First thing, if you're not already following me on the gram, (24:19) be sure to do so.Julie A. Ledbetter. Yes, it's with an A in the middle for that daily post workout (24:25) real talk, healthy tips and tricks and honest accountability to keep your mind and heart in (24:30) check. The second thing, be sure to subscribe to Apple podcast to never miss an episode.Thank you (24:36) so much for joining me. It means the absolute world and I'm going to leave you with one last (24:41) thought. The most beautiful women that I have met in my life are the ones who are completely (24:46) confident and secure in being authentically themselves.Remember that beauty goes so much (24:53) deeper than the surface. So go out there and embrace your room because you're worth it.